It’s your road.
Hello, how are you?
It has been a while!
I have had laptop trouble, and getting it fixed in lockdown has been a challenge.
It made me think about acceptance strangely enough and about letting go of what I cannot control.
It was frustrating and lengthy, and I had to trust the process.
Anyway, all done and back again to chat to you.
I always want to share something helpful on this platform and make it relational. I hope this is something that might compel you to ask for support and invest in yourself, in a similar way you might seek help in what seems like a more practical way, like fixing your laptop, or boiler.
I have had to let go of my “hurry-up, do it now” ethos and hand things over to a Professional.
I nearly gave up and decided my very ancient and familiar Tablet would do.
I wanted immediate results.
If I am honest, it was not that I needed a computer mechanic to sort out my laptop, but it was my confusion and lack of education in all things (but especially laptop related) tech that was so frustrating. And still is.
I need constant support with utilising my laptop.
I need a laptop Counsellor!
I do not like feeling overwhelmed by my laptop.
It is annoying.
But slowly, and I mean very agonisingly slowly, I am learning about my laptop.
A well trained, qualified Therapeutic Counsellor, like myself, must do continued personal development (CPD). This is to maintain affiliation to a recognised ethical body such as the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (BACP) and, more importantly, to keep up with current training and thinking in the field of mental health support and service.
Some people will dismiss this as Psychobabble!
It is, however, Psychoeducation and this I can do, well when my laptop works!
At the very least it is interesting, but if you are open to it, it is insightful, educational, and I am incredibly pleased to say……. Hopeful.
When times are challenging and we are overwhelmed, it is difficult to find hope, I can hold my clients hope for them, carefully, tenderly, and temporarily: handing it back when the time is right.
I can provide Psychoeducation.
I can look with you at what went on and this will give insight into where you are now.
What went on in early life shapes us and we can go on to take familiar pathways rather than a different, new direction.
Understanding that our choices are pre-determined by our early experiences and that they are often so extremely far removed from any thing we associate with free will is helpful.
It is important to know that this is not irreversible.
I will support you on this road to understanding your past from a non-hierarchal place. In other words: I am not the expert. I have some decent and up to date knowledge that I can share, and it will blow your mind to finally feel normal.
When we look at what went on before it explains what is going on now.
Apparently, my laptop experienced things that meant it was influenced and slowed to a stop because of this…… what went on before informed what happened.
You do not like laptops?
Think of your car: driving over a pothole might explain a broken……. ok, I do not know about laptops or cars! But you get my point.
Going back to little humans, that does not mean we will label care givers as bad, what it means is that there is an explanation. And with that explanation comes normalisation.
Mind blowing alert……
You are normal.
I am normal.
This is because we are a product of an individual but explanatory set of circumstances, environment and culture, and inter-generational opportunities and experience.
In other words, we are born with some inherited nature and then formed by our experience or nurture.
As small humans we learn to survive our childhood with a combination of nature and nurture, and it works well: well, if we do in fact survive.
However, later, those familiar, tightly held scripts that worked, no longer help us: they lead us down familiar, but sometimes treacherous pathways.
What we learn, we can unlearn.
Making change can be so frightening that it supersedes the need to change. We can self-sabotage in order to stay with the familiar. Or we can be so unsure of what is the most rewarding pathway that we stay with our familiar, unhealthy script.
We are stuck.
This form of Therapeutic Counselling is hard work, in that it is slow paced, often seemingly stationary.
I do not do the hard work for you: I walk beside you on a long and difficult road, often stumbling, sometimes miserable with vulnerability……you will put obstacles to change in your own way and I will endeavour to quietly move them or help you climb over them.
At times I will annoy you.
At times you will annoy me.
We will have needed to established trust and respect in order to overcome this and we need to understand that we grow through the pain and vulnerability.
I walk beside you; I will be able to offer the odd plaster on your scraped knees, and I will offer challenging alternatives to your learnt script.
Does any of this resonate?
If you want change, I can help but this will require commitment and courage, from us both.
I think we can do it.