Compassion
Hello, how are you?
When I watch the news, which I am unsuccessfully trying to avoid, I feel uncared for!
I wonder who to trust.
Where can I put my faith?
It can feel overwhelming, dysregulating, and so very sad.
No wonder we feel the cold hands of depression pulling us down and are flooded with stress hormones in response to sustained anxiety.
All of this on top of our own “news”; ill health, money worries, loneliness, etc.
It is normal to be affected by life’s ups and downs. We all can feel depressed, and it will hopefully pass after a time. Unfortunately though, the symptoms of depression can be extremely disabling and often feel as though they will never pass.
We feel that we have little control and power over many aspects of our life, and cannot talk about this at home or at work, because we feel weak, silly, and embarrassed.
We feel competitive, inferior, and hopeless.
We worry about a hierarchy of problems, so we don’t talk, and we are not kind to ourselves, or to the brave colleague who begins to voice a worry.
Instead, we may admonish them to “grow a pair”.
Where is the compassion?
There are lots of good psychological strategies that are empirically tried and tested to be helpful with anxiety and depression. But it is difficult to engage in these when we are in crisis, and that is just when it could be very helpful to seek support.
I often ask my clients to go back to basics at times of crisis.
Healthy food, plenty of water, some exercise in nature, rest… and compassion.
Compassion towards themselves, towards their loved ones and the wider community.
The one we seem to really struggle with is self-compassion.
We know, (don’t we?) that comparison is the thief of all joy, yet we strive for the stuff we assume we need. The fakery we see on social media, and the stuff the media in general tell us we cannot live without.
I feel very privileged to have discovered that it is the basics that matter the most, and these basics really support my health and wellbeing way beyond the stuff of material wealth.
Socrates said …
“The secret of happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”
I really enjoy walking and sea swimming, and I try to be mindful, grateful, and compassionate to myself in the face of daily frustrations.
Recently, after a tricky day, I was frustrated, sad, and felt very negative. I was being very hard on myself.
You may already know, but the part of the brain that is about anxiety is in very close proximity to the part of the brain that is about fine motor skills, such as writing.
I know I have put that in laypersons terms. I don’t know the actual names of these parts of the brain, but I am asking you for compassion. I’m sure you can broaden your focus beyond trivial accuracies.
The science does support this use of writing or other creative activities, such as sewing for example, to soothe anxiety. I may not explain it properly but don’t let that stop you trying it for yourself, gathering your own evidence.
I worry about writing things and sharing them with you all as I feel vulnerable. But I love to write, and it helps me introduce myself and my therapy skills to you.
If I have annoyed you with poor grammar, with apostrophes in the wrong place, please try being compassionate because that negative energy is counterproductive for all of us.
And it really isn’t the point of all of this.
So, the other night, I went to bed ruminating on a tricky day: I reflected on where the lessons had been, I tried to be grateful for blessings, and planned a positive approach to the next day.
And then, I picked up pen and paper.
Please read with compassion…
I want to go to where the land…
dips her toes into the sea.
I want the sky to take my hand…
and lead me to wide open and free.
I want the birds on the wing…
gliding way up high above,
to teach me to sing…
all about joy and all about love.
I want to dive beneath the waves…
with ample breath to fly with fish.
I want water silky smooth and safe…
to grant this weightless wish.
I want sand between my toes…
and seaweed tangles in my hair,
I’d like rid of all my woes.
A few precious moments without care.
I want to float without restraint…
and be held in tender embrace.
Perpetual motion yet still in time.
Withdrawn from this rambunctious race.
I want moments to awe and sigh…
where the land dips her toes in the sea.
I want dreamy clouds in wide open sky…
where the me in me is free.
Remember, each time I share with you I am being vulnerable, hoping for compassion.
Perhaps compassion is the answer in face of all this bad news.
If you are in an ok place, these strategies are still helpful to maintain.
If you can find your version of what works, then great.
However, if you have stuff to unpack, if you find yourself not ok, come and talk to me, I can help.
With love,
Anna x
